Did you know that being president is really hard and it’s almost impossible to get anything done? I bet you didn’t, but you will after watching the tiresome BBC 2 documentary Inside Obama’s White House. Bloody people everywhere preventing this really cool amazing black dude from doing all these really hope filled stuff like spending bucket loads of cash when you’re already in shit loads of debt, and really awesome climate deals to de-industrialise his country and the rest of the third world with it, and Guantanamo – no he got nowhere with that either – and the bastards in the Senate who won’t let him do anything because they’re all mean, and the nasty bankers and the republicans who disagree with him on just about everything.
I’m sure that Obama is a genuinely nice guy who believes in all his silly liberal policies and genuinely wanted to wreck his country and turn it into Europe or whatever – and he did quite a decent job; but can you imagine if he got everything he wanted, it doesn’t bare thinking about – but I suppose that’s what happens when you elect a president who knows nothing about anything (a bit like electing Randy from South Park to do the job – both have striking similarities, by the way).
But imagine if you were a lefty, Obamaland must have sounded like cloud 9 or something – getting everyone hooked on social health care (no going back after that), all your bucks blown like confetti on welfare, green subsidies to push your energy bills into the stratosphere, no military, no uncomfortable word associations like Islam and terrorism, listening to the jerk bang on about identity politics until it made you puke but without the bizarre euphoria that follows.
But the most annoying thing about him – I know I’m biased, bear with me – is that he’s not really black, is he? Let’s be honest, I’d probably be that shade of black if I spent the summer sunbathing in the midday sun in the Costa del Sol; no Obama like everyone else these days is a little bit of everything – a bit black, a little white, 25.01% Hawaiian, 26.5% Muslim, a little Irish and tad English – a transracial, a bi-cross heritage instigator, a multicultural pariah if you will – and it’s really annoying.
But the best bit of the documentary – despite all the whingeing and complaining about how hard everything is – is at the 2009 climate change conference in Copenhagen, when the Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao ditches him to have secret talks with the heads of Brazil and South America. Obama is royally pissed off and pushes his way past the bouncers to confront the conspirators, “Are you ready for me now?” he demands, until they let him enter the negotiations – imagine the president of the most powerful country in the world being treated like that? No wonder he’s always complaining.
Political documentaries are often boring and almost always have a simmering undertone of left-wing bias – especially on the BBC and its sinister whore Channel 4 – and this was no exception.
So, while we’re on the theme of politics and tiresome repetitive television, following the 2012 BBC documentary The Tube, Channel 5 has decide to give it a crack with its trademark of unoriginality and insouciance in The Tube: Going Underground – the point of which seemed mainly to put people off ever going anywhere near London ever again and to make those already there even more anxious and tragic.
The documentary told us nothing we didn’t already know about the capital and it’s rackety metro system: it’s overpopulated to the point of collapse; it’s old, really old, everything is so old that servicemen are scouring eBay for train replacement parts; everyone is very ugly, haggard looking and bloody miserable – and you’re very lucky if you live elsewhere.
I’m not sure how the next seven episodes of the series are going to pan out – we get it, it’s busy. Now for the political bit: no, it’s not the odd drunk or visiting football fans that cause such chaos, it’s mass immigration – get that under control and those poor souls in the dark cavernous bowels of London might stand a chance.