Yes yes I know, I should know my place – being a ‘privileged’ white heterosexual male, I know I have no right what-so-ever to talk about any of the following: blacks, Muslims, gays, transgender, lessies and all the rest of them. But, unbeknownst to my legion of followers on the intellectual hub that is social media (I must be tallying, oh, at least 2 or 3 likes a month now), it turns out that I’m actually transracial – yes it came as a surprise to me also. (Actually, as I write, surprisingly transracial doesn’t come up as a misspelling – which I’m happy about, otherwise I would’ve sued the fuckers.)
Now, to the few friends I have, who know me as a white guy – with skin the colour of a freshly brewed cup of tea – this will come as a shock. But I ask them, nay plead with them, to accept me for what (not who, remember, that’s irrelevant these days) I really am: of African heritage. Now we’ve got that out of the way, I can spout off to my hearts content about multiculture, Pakistanis and other cultural stereotypes, I can probably use the n-word (obviously only in the correct context, for example, when referring to my other homies) without fear of vicious backlash or recrimination.
‘So,’ you may ask, ‘when did you realise you were a black guy?’ Well, I’ll tell you. (By the way, just because I’m now transracial, it doesn’t mean I still don’t have a small penis.) It all happened a few days ago when I was flicking through job vacancies on the Internet, and I had to cite my ethnicity. At first, as you might imagine, I was ticking the boring old stuff like white British/Irish, then I came across postings that were specifically for BAME. (For those who aren’t familiar with the language of the left metropolitan elite, BAME stands for Black Asian Minority Ethnic; and yes it does sound like blame) Then I thought ‘sack it, I’ll just pretend I’m black and deal with it later.’ That was only yesterday, so I’ll keep you informed with how it goes.
Anyway, what else has changed? To be honest, not much. So far, I haven’t committed any crime, moved into a social housing complex, or started annoying the neighbours with really loud rap music. But, what I have noticed is this: the obsession with ethnicity, whether you’re applying for a job, enrolling on a course, or even trying to get a library card, never extends to crime figures or statistics. For some reason if I decide to burgle a house tonight, the police won’t ask me anything about my ethnicity – race just wouldn’t come into it. In fact they’d probably feel uncomfortable about even approaching me. I’m not a criminal by the way, at least not yet.
Take this example, about three weeks ago Ione Wells, an Oxford student, aged 20, was viciously raped in London; she then wrote about her experience in her university paper and it hit national news, which in turn encouraged other students to come forward to tell of their stories. Ione didn’t say anything about the colour of her attacker; neither did the BBC (no surprise there then), nor did any of the national papers (not even the Mail). It turns out her attacker was a 17-year-old Somalian. Funny, nobody thought to mention it.
But it’s the Muslim community they hate referring to at all, right? Pakistanis, for example, you’re much more likely to get away with child abuse and gang rape – as seen in the horrific cases of mass Muslim grooming gangs throughout the country (the BBC weren’t to keen on talking about that either, and neither were the police, the council or the local communities – for twenty years in fact). I guess you can blame the victims then, for being attacked by victim group blame, sorry BAME.
I know what you’re thinking. Why black and not some other BAME group? Well, it’s just easier. Take for example white South Americans, are they BAME or not – clearly white, but obviously other; same goes with the Polish, Russians etc. Oh, and in London white Britons are the minority ethnic group (really), so where do they fit into all this? Whereas black – you can just clearly see it, it’s obvious what I am (not who, remember). Lately we’ve all been in the mood for breaking biological boundaries with transgender, so why not racial ones. This is all new to me also, but I’ll keep you updated.